I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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