I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
