I cannot find my penis.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I supernannyed him into submission
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
