Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
