Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
We had sex on a dog bed..
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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