pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
