As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
