Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
