he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
