dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He passed out mid-signature
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
