If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I am naked and annoyed.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
