hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
This is the high leading the old right now
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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