Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Randomize
