Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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