R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
