I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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