Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
