Are we in a gay sports bar?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
