things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
