Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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