I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
