I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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