It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
