I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
