Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
