So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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