im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
im six kinds of drunk right now
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
