Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
