He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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