in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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