i permit you to call me
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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