my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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