Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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