Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
