so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
