if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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