Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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