I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
