No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
