No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
