my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Can I color on your dick again?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
