I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
