you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
