pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize