i think my tv is drunk
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
