my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
