he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
We named our party play list daddy issues
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize