he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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