Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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