why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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