I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
did i just pee glitter
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
