He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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