The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
