oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
