i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Drunk is not a location!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
