The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
