Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
