i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
