I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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