he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
We talked him into tasing himself.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
