I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize