would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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