OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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