just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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