I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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