just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
