If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
