You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
