is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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