You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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