We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Floor bacon is actually really good
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
