first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
thus making me awesome and them whores
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
