Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize