Whoa Z and x make the same sound
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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