no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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