i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
high people should be assigned attendants
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
