Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
