her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I checked into jail on foursquare
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
