I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
God, I missed his penis.
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