i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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