id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Couch. On fire.
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