Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
