So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
