Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
