stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
