They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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