Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize