I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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