so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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