I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
