I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
