nut hugger
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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